You know you've been watching to much Babylon 5 when...!
your hairstyle matches Londo's.
your sexual fantasies include Delenn.
your color is hot pink.
you believe that in a past life you were a member of the Grey Council.
you can't shake the feeling that B4 is DS9.
the only ancient history you know is Babylon's.
you pretend to blackmail Londo.
there is a hole in your mind.
you think vulcans are members of the Psi Corps.
you wonder who would win a fight between a minbari and a vulcan.
your .newsrc contains only the line "rec.arts.sf.tv.babylon5: 1-183406".
you keep saying "data crystal" instead of "diskette".
you finger sinclair@b5.mil.ea and wonder why doesn't it work.
... then you remember that he's now sinclair@ea_embassy.minbar.gov.
... it doesn't work either, and then you conclude it must be a problem with the nameserver.
someone uses insecticide, and you shout "Do you wanna kill N'grath? Are you mad?".
... then you don't understand why everyone stares at you.
you try to watch Mutai fights on ESPN.
... you actually call them to complain about it.
you want to brain wipe someone you really hate.
you think Darth Vader is a vorlon.
you think Chekhov was really Bester doing an undercover spying mission.
you want to become member of the Third Fain of Chudomo.
you believe the Grim Reaper is a soul hunter.
you wonder what did Captain Kirk do during the Earth/Minbari war.
you want to know if there are any xenobiology courses in med school.
you ask politics experts wether Al Gore has got the flu already.
you are upset because CNN doesn't report anything about Ragesh 3.
you wonder what's wrong when you calculate your age as >300.
your biggest worry is narn expansionism.
... but recent events change that to *Centauri* expansionism.
you fart, and that makes you think of vorlons.
you keep on thinking what went wrong in the Battle of the Line.
your first son has just been born, and you can't think of any names other than Londo, Lennier and Kosh.
you pretend to spend some vacations on Mars.
your dreams include something scary about flutes made up of bones.
you're afraid that your soul will escape if you're cut open.
you think Ivanova *IS* God.
you ask the Air Force recruiter about the Starfury Training Program.
you go to the produce section of the grocery store and ask if their spoo is fresh.
your wardrobe consists of nothing but white, military-pressed collarless shirts and military pressed slacks.
you wonder who would win a testosterone battle between Garibaldi and Tim Allen.
you tell the plastic surgeon you want to have an operation to make you an anatomically correct Centauri.
you have a bumper sticker that says "My other car's a Starfury".
you have a bumper sticker that says "Warning: Fully loaded Cobra Bay in trunk".
you have made a PPG.
you start scouring the world to try and find enough Quantium-40 to make a jump-point generator.
you change from zip then fasten to fasten, then zip.
your WWW client's hot list has over 100 entries and 95% of them point to Babylon 5 pages.
you keep a notepad and pencil next to your bed so that you can write down what Kosh says in your dreams, should Kosh happen to appear.
... and to be sure, you also write down everything your father says in your dreams.
at work, you don't go to strikes because of fear of the Rush Act.
you go asking everyone "What do you want?".
you wonder why Lt. Barclay bears a striking resemblance to that demented war vet in Downbelow.
... and you wonder how Bester and this war vet got to different Enterprises in different centuries via the same rift that ate B4.
the phone rings, and instead of picking up the receiver you tap the back of your hand.
you go to the aquarium and wonder if there's any significance to the fact that there's a kind of fish called the Garibaldi.
you call your cable operator and ask what cable package comes with ISN.
you are watching Letterman when the camera flashes to the audience. Two women are sitting quietly, not laughing at the jokes and wearing black gloves. You immediately shout, "Psicorps!".
you wreck your car on the highway by spinning the wheel fully around while traveling at 80 miles per hour, trying to imitate Sheridan as he's leaving the station in _All Alone in the Night_.
you wonder where the hell is that clean, efficient Minbari power source for your new motorcycle.
you catch yourself looking for rangers in the background while watching an opera.
you skive off work just to see what the TV listings magazines have to say about the new episode within an hour of them appearing on the shelves.
you call your travel agent and try to arrange passage to Minbar and get directions to the Earth embassy.
you're planning your vacation, and the only place that appeals to you is Molari State Park.
you bite into some fried chicken and say, "Hey, tastes just like Narn!".
you see "Norton utilities for people", and your brain sees "Morden utilities for people".
you'd like to introduce your sister to Lennier.
you begin fantasizing political conspiracies at your family reunion.
you wish you could stand up when driving your car.
the entire weekend is devoted to preparing and eating one meal.
while watching football, all the blockers look kinda like Kosh.
when conversing with a Star Wars fan you claim that "my shadows can kick your Dark Side's butt".
Barney and Baby Bop look like a viable alien race.
...until you realize that one is purple, and the other is green.
you begin to wonder if Bester and Deanna Troi are related.
you fantasize about how JMS would have written "The Andy Griffith Show".
you realize that the "Psychic Friends Network" is actually the PR division of the Psi Corps.
you are spending the night in a shelter to wait out hurricane Erin, and your only thought is "I'm going to miss Babylon 5 tonight for sure!"
you are disappointed that your newspapers religion page doesn't list a Foundationist church.
your dreams don't simply include B5 characters and scenes, instead they are full new episodes.
you trust the Psi-Corps, because the Corps is your friend.
you try alligator at a restaurant, and all you can think of to say is "Tastes like Narn!".
you have always been here.
you go to the basement and expect to find a moment of perfect beauty in the darkness.
you look for airlocks to shove irritating people through.
"Scrag 'em" and "Space 'em" have become part of your normal vocabulary.
you call B5-related conversations "dis-kosh-ion"s.
you think genies were Shadow agents.
you back off whenever people ask "What do you want?".
you see a spline-based screen saver, and immediately wonder if Abel Horne has just interfaced with Control via that computer.
you actually try to make sense out of which side the red thing on Ivanova's uniform is facing on a particular episode.
you turn a mis-printed M&M upside-down and see the Psi Corps logo instead of an "m".
you ask jewelry stores if they carry gravity-control rings.
you offer to bring the little pieces of red fruit to a friend's wedding.
... and then can't keep yourself from saying 'And so it begins' during the ceremony.
you wonder wether cylons have anything to do with shadows.
you wonder wether Starbuck is a ranger.
you're not thinking what you're thinking.
you're bored of paying taxes for subsidizing those martian twits.
you get a headache and wonder if you've been through Sector 14.
you start wondering why Oliver Stone didn't mention the Psi Corp's involvement in the Kennedy assassination.
buying candy from a vending machine, you buy whatever is at selection B-5 (or you at least look there).
you cut yourself just to verify your blood is red - not yellow or green.
Quentin Tarantino appears on a call-in program, and you call to ask if it was Ambassador Kosh in the briefcase in 'Pulp Fiction'.
you look up the name 'Morden' in your local phone book.
... and when you find one, you call him up and ask him to have his associates pay a visit to the Warner Bros. exec who decided to delay broadcast of the final four season two episodes.
... and then you start reading the obituaries in 'Variety' hoping to see news that a Warner Bros. exec died under mysterious circumstances.
you start dating someone because when you ask 'What do you want?' they reply 'Never ask that question!'.
... and later break up over a green/purple argument.
you are watching ALIENS and you think the Alien queen is really one of the shadows and wonder how Ripley is going to see her through its "invisibility" screen.
you constantly call all world governments to come together before the coming of the shadows.
you feel you're being nibbled to death by cats.
at a relative's deathbed, you begin forming a wall of bodies, in case a Soul Hunter appears.
you see a beautiful girl wearing purple smiling at you, but decide not to approach her because you're wearing green and realize that it could never work out.
you commit murder because you were disturbed while watching it.
you are shopping for a new vehicle and the only ones that you are interested in are Ford Rangers and Dodge Shadows.
... and you ask the salesman to demonstrate the hyperspace capabilites of the Dodge Shadow.
you look for Mr. Garibaldi to hug when you're feeling insecure.
you want to build a statue to Zathras.
your car sings to you while you're sleep.
you ask people "Who are you?", and when they don't answer correctly, you stick their fingers in an electrical socket.
you rack your brain trying to figure out how the Forces of Light are going to defeat the Shadows, especially considering how dangerous the Shadow ships are to other ships.
you check the WWW Lurker site every day for the latest news, and spend your lunches and breaks at work studying the home page sections.
you have memorized "Signs and Portents" and "The Coming of Shadows", after having seen each episode on tape about a hundred times.
you have memorized an enormous quantity of B5 trivia, and consider yourself an expert on the subject, even challenging people to quiz you on anything about the show.
you plan an expedition to Z'ha'Dum to rescue Sheridan's wife.
you consider killing President Clark yourself, but then realize that it wouldn't really help the situation.
you threaten someone you hate with the phrase "You will know pain, and you will know fear, and then you will die.".
you actually have said "Absofraginglutely."
you want a "Ba-bear-lon 5".
you wonder why the UN has not passed a resolution condemning the Centauri for their aggression and use of outlawed weapons.
you want UN peacekeepers sent to the Narn homeworld.
you accidentally cut yourself and all you can say is, "Dead, Dead, Dead...".
you check for Narn before entering a elevator.
you try to buy a TV station that runs B5, and then try to have its call letters changed to KOSH.
you don't trust anyone named 'Sebastian'.
you panic when someone asks 'Who are you?'.
you look for an investigative reporter to do an expose' on the Nightwatch.
you put a Vorlon on top of your Christmas tree.
you start looking for "attributes" on your stomach.
you have just been thru a life threatening situation and all you can think of saying is "Thank the Great Maker.".
you decide that your wife would look good bald.
you begin to become attracted to Vir.
you start talking to household appliances and your car.
you see the headlights of an oncoming car and you think it's a couple of Vorlons.
you begin wondering when the rangers are going to overthrow the Grey Council.
you wonder how to hide a Narn war cruiser in your backyard for sanctuary.
you begin to plot the death of Psi Corps for what they did to Talia.
you mark the upcoming episode titles in your datebook.
you decide it's better not to tell yourself what it is that you do not need to know.
entering a church, you find the Holy Water but can't help wondering where the Minbari and Human blood is.
while driving, you suddenly have an irresistible urge to "punch it".
your boss tells you he expects you to read his mind and you immediately suspect he may be a Psi Corp spy.
you are suddenly afraid of your own shadow and want to ask Delenn what it means.
you start having romantic feelings for G'Kar.
someone asks you what time it is and you reply, "It's the dawn of the third age...".
you listen to the music instead of the song when you seek for meaning.
you arrange a meeting with someone at the hour of scampering.
you are happy now that the case of Jack the Ripper is finally closed.
you consider the possibility that the world is right and you are wrong.
instead of pulling the emergency brake in a train, you tap the back of your hand and shout "Computer, emergency override! Open train doors!".
you consider a strain on you to be seen by many people.
you start referring to your children as "pouchlings".
you think NRA means "Narn Resistance Alliance".
the only day that has any meaning is the day when B5 is telecast.
you start growing coffee in your closet under grow lights.
the highest compliment you can give your girl/boy friend is that they look like a "dream given form".
you toss off proverbs like: `A little learning is a three-edged sword.'.
you're angry that you can't find a bar that serves Jovian Sunspots.
the only senator's name you can recall is Hidoshi.
you wonder how the Millennium Falcon can go into hyperspace without a jumpgate.
your goal in life is to become a technomage.
you name your newborn daughter Delenn.
your bedroom starts looking like the Downbelow.
people get irritated by your talking in Vorlonesque statements - you always say "Good.".
you think the FBI has been remiss in not using monks to seek out the Unabomber.
you're driving on the Cross Bronx expressway, and upon seeing the exit for the Sheridan Parkway you think "Wasn't Sheridan born in 2214?".
you go to the sporting goods store to get a cat hunting license.
you refuse to go into a bar because you fear that even a small amount of alcohol will cause you to go into a homicidal rage.
you ask your doctor about getting gill implants.
you go to your local flower shop to special order a G'Quan Eth plant.
you wonder wether the Wookies are members of the League of Non-Aligned Worlds.
you see a spider on your wall and the first thing you think of is how much it looks like a Shadow ship.
... then you're afraid to smash it for fear of being cut in half by a purple ray.
... Heck, you aren't even going to touch it with your bare hand!
you reverse a .wav of the season 3 theme and play it back to check for secret messages or Shadow voices.
you change your hairstyle to match Delenn's.
you accuse your co-workers of being PsiCorps and Nightwatch plants, and your boss of being a Shadow agent.
you're playing Battleship and you grin knowingly whenever someone calls B-5.
you can't get hot water for your shower, and you wonder if you've done anything to piss off Ivanova.
you're watching a news report on the Bosnian peace talks, and when they show a map showing how the country is to be divided, you swear that the borders are shown outlined in flame.
you are tempted to mindwipe your rebellious teen so you can start over.
you fear the midterm is going to explode if you don't answer all the questions.
you search your local bookstores continuously trying to find a copy of the Book of G'Quon.
you step into an elevator and say "Blue 2".
... and then you wonder why this travel tube doesn't respond to voice commands.
you classify your days as 'arc' or 'non-arc'.
you stare at pennies far too long.
you try to collect people's fears using a video recorder.
you dream about friends speaking cryptically while birds are perched on their shoulders.
it takes weeks for you to recover after you read a mention of the excellent 'psych program' at CLARK University.
your Netscape's home page is http://www.hyperion.com/lurk/whatsnew.html.
you start to find Narn females attractive.
you make octopus spaghetti because you're expecting Drazi visitors.
you're watching "Golden Eye" and think the line goes, "Only three men I know use a Walther PPG. Two of them are scragged.".
you think Santa Claus is a Shadow agent because he always asks "What do you want?".
you think "The Fugitive" deserves a makeup Emmy - G'Kar made a very convincing one-armed man.
somebody calls you a bonehead, and you retort "But I'm not Minbari!!!".
you avoid answering questions by impersonating Mollari and saying, "When the room stops spinning.".
you think that calling someone a liar is a capital offense.
you tell your girlfriend she'd look great with a bone hairpiece.
you see a commercial for Motel 6, and then you spend the next half hour wondering what happened to Motels 1 through 5.
after watching the end of 'Screamers', you wonder what did Sheridan know in _There All Honor Lies_.
you look up the word 'Vorlon' in the dictionary to find clues to the story arc.
on the subway, you inspect the seats of other passengers after they stand up, just in case...
you want to know if the evil teacher you despise is still out sick, so you ask your friends "Have the shadows returned to Z'ha'dum?".
... and you talk about B5 so much that they actually know what you mean and who you're referring to.
you have been seen wandering around mumbling something about how "a lack of information can KILL you" on the day of final exams.
Your 330M hard drive holds over 73 megs of B5 video, audio, and texts...and counting.
you have used the phrase "... because you can't _have_ larger ideals if the smaller ones are compromised" at least three times on essay tests.
you ask your AP physics teacher how to build a jumpgate.
you start ending your prayers with "In Valen's Name, Amen.".
people ask you where you are, and you reply "The name of the place, is _________".
in a game of DESCENT, when you're cloaked and about to nail somebody, you send the message: "Watch out for shadows. They move when you're not looking.".
your 6-character ATM code is "B5KOSH"
you refer to caffeine sodas as "stims".
you have a bumper sticker that says "Sheridan/Ivanova for 2264".
a friend of yours won't tell you a secret he knows, and you think "If I only could get a Dust dose...".
the idea of digging in your backyard more than a few inches scares you to death.
you yell at the television when the characters on the show violate Earth Force protocols, and you're watching DS9.
you break off a friendship with someone because you find out he's a NightWatch man.
you are a student, yet you look forward to autumn because you know the new season of Babylon 5 is going to start.
you feel all smug after eating scrambled eggs.
... and then you tap the back of your hand and say "Hey, Sheridan, guess what I just had for breakfast?".
after watching _Messages From Earth_, you think back to "War of the Worlds" and realize that H.G. Wells was right about keeping an eye on Mars.
you prop up one end of your bed so that it's inclined about 45 degrees.
in Physics class, you refer to your studies regarding optical principles as "The Geometry of Shadows".
you make a note to remember to dust yourself off once in a while.
you start looking for the Pak'ma'ra section in the mens' restrooms.
your university's PR department decides they must review *all* WWW pages prior to posting, and you begin calling them the Nightwatch.
... when asked why the Computer Science department itself is subject to the PR department's approval, you answer "Because we have lost our teeth, and we have forgotten how to bite.".
...and then you seriously consider locking them all up in one room to convict them of unconstitutional behavior.
You want Narns on the police force.
You want to kill Barney the Dinosaur by dropping him into a room full of Drazi.
You ask your history professor if he's considered joining with one of those Vindrizi thingies.
you call your friends in for a code 7R.
you spend so much time outside of your body that you sometimes forget where it is.
you are watching your old tapes and start playing 'Spot the Markab'.
you put a bucket on your head and impersonate the ancient Vorlon god Boojie.
your cordless phone picks up interference, and you think there are Shadows on the line.
being reminded of someone you dislike, you scream " tavotna chog!".
every time you take out a butter knife you cut your hand as Narn tradition dictates.
you're reminding a Calculus student of the definition of the hyperbolic cosine function, and you experience a mysterious impulse to begin answering all questions with useless vague monosyllables.
you see an article in a travel magazine extolling the ancient cities, art, and social tolerance of a foreign country, and you feel compelled to rewrite the article.
you start referring to Geneva as "Earthdome" and you use "Homeworld" instead of Earth.
you chant "Za ba ga bee" in front of your motorcycle.
your favorite hockey team is the New York Rangers, even though you live in Pittsburgh.
your favorite baseball team is the Texas Rangers even though you live in Kansas City.
your favorite soccer team is the Glascow Rangers, and you're Catholic!
you're writing about the Underground Railroad for history and you type "telepaths" instead of "slaves".
you start wondering when Scully and Mulder will capture a Shadow.
you think the Worm might be the Nexus' evil twin brother.
you go out and try to collect donations for the families of the Churchill's crew.
you use a short sword to kill cockroaches.
as you kneel before the porcelain altar, your one comforting thought is that it can't be a real hangover, otherwise you would not remember it!
you express mortification by gasping, "In Valen's Name!".
you think that the show starring Roma Downey and Della Reece is called "Touched By a Vorlon".
you see anything with a snake light attached to it, then you back away slowly.
you make sure those aren't eyeballs spread on your toast.
government inspectors come to visit your area of your worksite, you put a hand on your forehead, lift it and look at it.
..and when they leave, you banefully say, "They're here.".
everything makes a very satisfying thump (or did I mention that?).
your shoes are too tight and you have forgotten how to dance.
you think regret *can* be harvested.
you start using the verb "to butt" in your conversations.
you start reciting the Lord's Prayer and it comes out, "Our Ivanova, which art in Heaven...".
you have a dream in which your guardian angel appears to you, and it's in an encounter suit.
your dirty sexual fantasies start to include Morden.
you're disappointed because your computer doesn't sound like Harlan Ellison.
you write Betty Crocker to get advice on how to prepare spoo.
you reach for your usual breakfast cereal, Basic 4 (which you often abbreviate as B4), and then a scratchy voice in the back of your head suddenly declares, "Breakfast not Zathras skill.".
you register a domain with DNS just so you can post to USENET from youhavealwaysbeenhere@babylon5.org.
every day, in the locker room, you change the combination on all of the 4-digit locks to read "2260".
... then plan to change it to "2261" when season 4 starts.
you expect 36-hour long news reports.
you begin seeing your own death in your dreams.
... and a one-eyed Narn has an active part on it!
you wonder why PBS doesn't show any Narn opera.
... then you think it must be because the PBS executives prefer *Centauri* opera.
you want NASA to name its next space shuttle the "White Star".
you wonder if the Shoemaker-Levy 9 comet damaged the transfer point on Io.
you see someone you don't like and fear a glowing triangle appears on your forehead.
you look in the Bible for references on how to fight Shadows.
you start taking vibe showers because your house can't handle that much water.
you spend countless hours researching what exactly are the first two ages of mankind.
you keep a Narn translator at your side when reading the bible.
you think that Obi-Wan was a technomage.
you're in perpetual fear of tomorrow's boom.
You fantasize about having a surgically implanted bone on your head.
You try to book passage to the rim.
you put wires on your head hoping to become a pilot for a Shadow ship.
your worst nightmare is walking into C&C naked.
you start thinking of Minbari drinking games.
you really get what Kosh is saying.
you look for animals in the sides of vorlon ships instead of doing it on clouds.
you think that F-16 pilots are Gaims working for the Air Force.
you wonder wether Predators dare to hunt down Shadows.
someone attacks you, and you expect to find a PPG lying on the floor.
you think that Mulder and Scully are doing a very bad job - after all, undeniable proof of extraterrestrial life has been widely known for about a century.
you suspect that the Streibs were the ones who kidnapped Mulder's sister.
you wonder what did C.S.Lewis know about Narn history.
you expect people to suddenly take off their face and reveal they're Drazis with a mask.
you say Or-Londo instead of Orlando.
you can't get the words "Signs and Portents" out of your head.
you cancel vacation plans so that you don't miss Babylon 5.
your teacher gives you a large assignment without explaining why, and you have the urge to shout "UP YOURS!".
... a while after that, he appears in your dreams apologizing.
you wonder what kind of insurance discount you can get for installing the Vorlon Defense System in your car.
... and you try to find out if there's an option package on the Ford Ranger that includes it.
the player for your team strikes out, you mutter 'not the one'.
the phrase "six of one, half a dozen of the other", sounds like an obscene Centauri joke to you.
your will stipulates that when you die, your clothing is to be placed next to your car.
you look out the window at a skyscraper and wonder whether it's big enough to open its own jump point.
you move into your new apartment, notice that the next street over is named "Sheridan", and consider relocating there.
you go spelunking in canyons trying to find an access way to the heart of the Great Machine.
you petition NASA to rename the international space station as Babylon 1.
you pull your car into a public parking structure and surrender control to C&C's docking computer.
..and then explain to the person you crashed into how substandard chips caused the collision.
... and when they ask you how your car flipped over, you explain that the chips didn't properly match the rotation rate of the parking facility.
you announce that your floor is seceeding from the rest of the company.
... and for the rest of the time you wear black outfits at work.
... and you charge the mailroom rent!
you call up the local radio station and request "Too Shy" by Koshagoogoo.
you wonder why Oliver Stone never investigated the death of President Santiago.
you become strangely obsessed with oranges.
you wonder why you've never seen Lady Morella and Ambassador Troi together.
you like to sing "Vorlons We Have Heard on High" at Christmas.
the phrase 'a pain in the neck' has sinister connotations.
the introduction to the old radio program _The Shadow_ leaves you in a featal position.
you call a Packers/Vikings game 'The Drazi Bowl'.
you try to summon a person by attaching a car battery to a full set of their clothing.
every morning, when you must carry everyone's bags out to the car, you recite "Zathras used to being beast of burden for other people...".
a friend goes against your advice, takes a certain course you already took, and gets a horrible grade, you repeat the phrase "I tried, I tried to WARN them... but it all happenned, just the way I remember it...".
you could swear for a second that the comments on your SAT diagnostic say "Mathematics not Zathras skill".
you wear black for a month after viewing 'Interludes and Examinations'.
you get extremely drunk in order to determine if you have a Shadow 'Keeper' attached to your neck.
... and then you actually think you can see it from the corner of your eye.
you go to the travel agent to plan a trip to New Vegas.
you are the hand.
the man in between is searching for you.
you think the theme from 2001 is "Also Sprach Zathras' Sister".
you go to Staten Island just to see the Garibaldi Museum House. in an attempt to experience what it's like to live on the station, for 36 hours you lock yourself in the largest clothes dryer you can find and set it on the highest possible speed.
your friend returns from Jerusalem, and you keep on touching him, his clothing, his luggage... ... and, of course, his plants!
you have completely customized your computer with B5 wallpapers, sounds, icons and screensavers.
... and you are not the least bit embarassed!
your entries on this page are in the double digits.
you rent every movie in which a B5 regular appears.
encrypting data, you can't think of any passphrase other than "Hello old friend.".
... and after some serious thinking come up with "peekaboo", "socks", "fasten", or "zip".
you can't stand how the government keeps acting as though there was nothing of interest happening outside Earth.
... but keep it to yourself as you realize that publicly criticizing the government is not the wisest thing to do these days.
you see a book by Alfred Bester and discard it as Psi Corps propaganda.
driving in the road, you're surrounded by trucks, and you start screaming frantically "Not like this! Not like this!" and try to crash one of them.
you go door to door looking for telepaths to help you in the upcoming Shadow war before Psi Corps can snatch them and ship them off to the Shadows.
... and then when your own family has you commited you start blabbing something about ISN and a conspiracy within the government and the chain of command.
during a weekend trip to Escondido, California, you check in at the Sheridan Inn, and are a bit startled to see that the staff isn't dressed in spiffy black-and-gray uniforms.
you wonder why common everyday words like "Minbari" and "Z'Ha'Dum" aren't in your spell checker.
And you really know it when: you worship JMS.